“Tampon commercial, detergent commercial, maxi pad commercial, windex commercial - you'd think all women do is clean and bleed.”
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl
After diligently watching commercials which are basically the main theme of any Indian channel where the actual program runs in between commercials, I found that India commercials for women are split majorly in two categories:
Below 30 VS Above 30
why 30? Well you have to know that 30 is when the early sign of aging starts appearing like fine lines and wrinkles - I bet I cant see either one of them yet BUT as per our AD guru's its the demarcation age between young and was young. Hence the products recommendations are as per the category.
You don't agree with me right? wait till the end and you and I will be on same page.
As per advertisements, if 30 is the last year of being young then you gotta get married before that. You are not? OMG, then all your life you need to suck it up and choose products which are not in your favor.
For women below 30- I mean of Young category as per commercials-
These are ravishing beautiful women and are the dream girls for all men out there so these women got to apply long lasting lip balm, body splash- whattagirl, she is seldom engaged in subways or escalators with her d-man after using one of such ravishing engage deo. Although I want to bring this to your notice here that the guys in women deo commercials are not that roasting hot ones like the women in men deo commercials are. What a low standard for women huh.
This women mostly drinks coffee and that too made by her man. However, if she has a creative spree hidden somewhere inside than she might as well drink TAAZAA and will embark on a new creative career in life. So much for a tea, I tell you. (This actually can fit both the genres)
These women will also have to focus on their skin tone. how can I forget that. Its damn important after-all, all the marriage ads on newspaper read "want educated, homely and FAIR girl" so use the challenge which failed creams of countries like japan and usa etc and reduce to many color shades. Yippeee. Now you can get married darling.
For women above 30- I mean of "Was Young" category as per commercials-
These women are soon to get fine lines and their husbands might not love them anymore so they better start using products from a wide range and mind it "sooner the better", be it "the one product which makes them sorted for the day" or "can use 7 days challenge of another cream".
Now these women are "The Indian Women" who cooks, cleans, yes bleed also, changes nappies with happy face, take care of toddlers with more happy face, takes care of husband with choosing low cal oil and with a motto of being fittest and not just fit, takes care of daughters hair after debating in her head weather "khule rehne do ya bandhe rehne do" and love her son by offering his friends delicious food in order for him to be selected in gully cricket.
They also wash hair which is mostly in a challenge of 7 weeks or god knows how many fucking weeks. She does not take much bath though as that is left for sweaty husbands and soccer lover son but she sometimes goes all natural with NO SOAP beauty soap. She also cooks diligently as she uses special cookers and ofcourse "jo beevi se kare pyar wo isse se kaise kare inkaar". Please keep in mind that this women also are efficient in selecting her red chili powder as "chun chun ke dekh parakh ke koot koot ke nikhre jo- mirchi hum apnaiye wo- xx ka teekha laal " and for everything else she has XX ke asli masale sach sach with uncleji promoting the brand with passion.
And of course after using all those 7 weeks hair challenge she got to use the Eau-de-natural hair dye which is so perfect that her husband and son won't recognize her so if you have that detective spree hidden rather than the creative one then this is the product for you. Just use the dye and your son will tell you mistakenly all his plans taking you as his sister. viola.
So you see Indian women are multifaceted. If you are less than 30 then all you need to care about as of now is to use nice makeup, clean and shiny hair but do not sweat about letting it loose in windy times as your conditioner will take care of that and if that also fails then you have your own stylish at home remember, that hair dryer. Relaxed now? Good. lets move forwards. Apart from beauty you only need to have fun as your after 30 life is with lots of work baby so use all that perfumes, go out with friends, and wear summer flower dresses, drink green tea, play stapu with children and just chill.
And if you are above 30 don't loose hope. The world is not that bad for you too. Yes you will do lots of work but sometimes your macho husband will wash clothes for you too and will buy you a house, car and once you grow old than the son will do all these things for you. So you also just chill.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Huh I am sorted now.
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