Meera chapter 3

Its her first day at work and she is all exited while entering the multi storied building. Her office is at 9th floor and she has been directed by the security to take the lift which is towards her aftier crossing the fancy reception area and a Cafe Coffee Day outlet offering hangout place for employees.  Inside lift she is accompanied by 3 strangers, all of them looked very professional to her. They were in tailored suits and carried blackberries with them. She on the other hand, wore a dark blue jeans with buttoned down shirt and loafers. She paid attention in the morning while getting dressed afterall  she was going to work for a multimedia company where the atmosphere was completely relaxed and casual. There was no dress code and was famous for their chilled out working atmosphere.

"Hi, I am Meera, a new joinee." to that security guard responded "Hello mam, please sign the register." He handed over a new joinee badge to her and asked her to wear that around her neck and showed her the way to HR room.

Wow, this is the place for me, she though to herself the moment she entered the office. The walls were pained with cartoon characters in high definition colors, film stars from Hollywood and fancy color pattern. It did not take her time to realize that the major chunk of population was young and peppy.
"You must be Meera? ", HR head Suzzane asked her, "Oh yes! Sorry I did not realize I left the HR room behind. I was so caught up in the view". "Yes we get that a lot from first timers. Well, please come, I will introduce you to your Boss". Meera followed Suzzane in total awe of the place. They went to a tall and handsome Man, Kunal. "Hi, you must be Meera?", Kunal asked, "Yes, nice to meet you."
Kunal turned to his team and introduced Meera to the group of what seemed like 10 people. Hi guys, can I have a minute of your time which you are anyways wasting while browsing Facebook. With giggle, all turned towards Meera and introduced themselves to her one by one. Meera was amazed with the enthusiasm of these guys. Most of them were quit good looking and smart, she could only recollect the names of Ajay, Maria, Dheeraj and Sujoy. They seemed interested in Meera and offered her a seat next to them.
Meera had joined as a design intern and was handed over a power point presentations about the company and work by Kunal for the day. "Sweetheart, I just want you to chill out today. Go through these PPT's and you will have an idea about you work. Well, if you must know, our previous design intern, Kavita quit her job as she and her husband are moving to the states. What a shame but good luck for you as you got a chance here. As you know we hardly hire. The reason, very simple, people hardly quit." and kunal smirked and left.

After a while, Meera was relaxed in her new seating arrangement. She sat next to Dheeraj who was a sindhi lean and tall boy. He looked like a fresh college pass out. "Meera, please be relaxed. These PPT's are pretty self explanatory and if you get stuck at any point then I am here to help. Ask any question at any time, without hesitation", Dheeraj spoke and Meera replied "Thanks a lot Dheeraj" and she got immersed in the PPT. She was amused by this new atmosphere. People were cordial, friendly and lively. She was invited for lunch by Maria and they all shared the lunch while Maria and Sujoy were busy giving Meera tittle-tattle of office romances. They informed her about their boss Kunal and his flirtatious attitude and his smoking hot wife, and about Dheeraj and Charmee on whom he has crush since 2 years, about Maria and her cricketer boyfriend. All in all they accepted Meera in their group and may be this is what she needed.

later that day, while preparing dinner, maggi and mug of tea, Meera was kind of relaxed. She felt less agitated and less anxious about the future which is still dark in front of her. When she found the strength to steal a smile, she will someday find the laughter as well.

Meera Chapter 2

Days are passing by like eternity and she is now realizing, its time to get up and start moving ahead.Its not that she was sitting idle all this while, she was walking the path but not wholeheartedly. She was out there but still not there. There was a silent but grave pain buried inside her which she got used to now. All she wanted on the outside was to shake that feeling and stay happy and content forever but in reality she was used to this pain . She would embrace that as her own and go sleep each night.She would acknowledge that with every sunrise and start the day with that. Yes it was hers and she was scared to let it go. After all she lost her love and desires and passions and got this pain and what if she looses it also now? She was scared to start life again from scratch.

What are you thinking all the time? Asked Kiran to that Meera shook her head and said nothing at all. I am just enjoying my evening tea with you. After all from tomorrow I will have to drink this tea alone. Oh cmon Meera, don't be so sad over this. You were the one who used to love being alone before and now you are sad? Kiran questioned and to that Meera replied, "I am ok dear. Its just that I am used to being around you now and might get lonely as you are going for more than a month". "Yaar even I am feeling sad leaving my city for this long but this course is also important for me. After months of practice I cleared this exam for Yale university and its only for a maximum of 6 months Meera.Time will fly before we will know it.", Kiran replied and to that Meera said "ya that's ok darling and I am sure you will have a nice time there."

Within days, Kiran left country and Meera was alone in a 2 bedroom apartment in Dwarka. She rented the flat with Kiran and basically she started this new life after her 2 years long live in relationship failed miserably. She moved to Delhi from Lucknow with the scars of physical abuse and mental torture. She had to leave her job in Lucknow after she was getting threats from her old lover. So one day she just came from the work and packed her bags and took flight ticket with whatever money she had. While standing at the airport, she decided where to go? Should it be Bangalore, where she used to live before or Jaipur, where her mom lived with their 2 dogs or Delhi, where her best friend lived. After calculating life at each place, she instantly brought ticket to Delhi and in hours she was comforted by her best friend Kiran. She was always welcomed in her house and here she was, all bruised and tortured and willing to start a fresh life.  She felt proud of herself as she was quiet happy to have found a new way but somehow, one actually feels the real pain after some time has passed by like an itch which get worked when it dries and the same happened with Meera. As days passed and the chances of her getting a good job faded and feeling of loneliness sank deeper and deeper that she started getting depressed and started moving inside a shell. She did not realize how much she was changed as a person and how quiet she remained these days. She hardly noticed her tears and only a fewer times she felt the desire to laugh and dance like before.

Its Sunday morning and Meera decided to spend the day at day care center where she went some times. She has always loved children and so when all seemed to fail, she realized she could atleast  give some of her love to these children who have no family of their own. In reality this was the most selfish thing she had done in the recent past as she went to those children to feel happy for sometime instead of the other way round.

Hi didiiiii, all children spoke in chores and to that Meera smiled and hugged them and said lets all go out today and she took then to Lodi gardens where she had planned the whole day with activities like Frisbee, cricket and some team activities. It was then and there while playing with these children that she realized Its Time. Its time to move on. Its time to embrace life. Its time to smile again. Its time to live again. Bad times will always be there and yes I want to be happy and I wanted a happy life with Chirag. I had the whole life planned ahead of me which was filled with love and children and a normal family life. Yes I wanted to be married to him and stay with him forever. But what the hell, so what if it did not work out. I am still me. Yes days are not as per my plan but still its not that bad. I can be resilient and I will be happy. So what if I am alone, I can and I will still happy. With this though, she rejoined the game with children and this time she felt relaxed as ever.

Meera chapter 1

The alarm has snoozed once again. I swipe the screen of my note and switch off the bloody alarm and turn to my left side covering my-now-turned-cold-self completely under the blanket. The whether is quiet cold today as it has just started raining in the month of November in Delhi.

"Meera, for God's sake please get up now, its already 11 AM and you have an interview to attend", my best friend Kiran's voice came screaming.
"I don't want to attend, I don't want to work for any corporate anymore", I said from under the blanket.

"Do as you like as its your life". I heard the main door slam after exactly 5 minutes. I have no will to sleep anymore as I am almost in this world now from my deep slumbering beautiful place. I will not be able to stay put in dreams now and hence 10 minutes later I am standing in front of my bathroom mirror and while brushing my teeth I look at myself in the mirror, "Hmmm, again that same swollen big eyes". So, last night I again slept immersed in my tears. But I dont pay much heed to this as it has now become a ritual these days.

The day has already turned warm as its almost afternoon when I am still drinking my morning tea. Kiran has left me a note on kitchen counter.This has always been our ritual to leave notes and say things we were scared to tell on face. The note stated Dear Meera, please pull yourself together. I heard you sobbing last night and I can't see that again. Please my dear come back to us. Your friend Kiran. Oh God Kiran, you are asking me to stop crying by making me cry, I curse her.

What should I do today? I asked this to myself after I have spent almost 2 hours watching Cook it like Heston on TLC. Why the hell I am watching people living their dreams when my all dreams are shattered and burned. Here I was thinking of spending my day actively and now I am crying my eyes out. At time I feel Kiran should not leave me alone at home as I loose track of life. Just then to make my day even better, I receive a phone call from my mother. At first I feel not to pick up her call but then I felt that maybe she will get worried about me. So I made a very wrong decision and answered her phone without knowing that this call will change many things in my life instantly.

Hi mumma , how are you? and she replies Meera why are you still at home? You were supposed to go for interview today right? Mom says. I reply by saying, no mumma I am not up for a job right now, may be I need some time alone to figure out my next step in life. To which she replies in anger and starts blaming me for not making it big in my life and soon we are fighting over phone. She goes on and on and says things which no mother should tell her daughter at time like these when her most important relationship has sank in deep Indian ocean. I try to persuade her to keep quiet now but she has decided before calling to take it all out and she says it all on to my face.

I disconnect the call in anger and through my Note on sofa and I am crying like a soul cries after seeing its own body dead. Its such a foreign feeling where you feel numb and lost. Like your soul has drifted aside and you are all alone.  I am crying even harder and the feeling of loneliness has sank deep inside now. In a funny way, I am actually not alone now as the feeling of loneliness has decided not to leave me alone. I have become one with it now and it has won over me. I am now speaking its words. I am telling to myself that yes you deserve it Meera, You have always been unlucky in love from the beginning. You have always put your complete self in relationships but have always been dejected. Yes, that's how things have been up till now and its high time you realize that this is your destiny.

Its high time, you make up your mind that no one ever can bring peace and love into your life. So deal with it now. Either you will again fall flat on your face or accept it today that now onward you gotta walk alone. Yes that's what I will do now. I can not let myself get hurt again. Its better that I give my love to those who may need it instead of praying to receive love from someone. Meera, its not for you. After all see Siddharth never called again. I know that you have met him only now but don't you feel its a dead duck. After all he is only finding excuses to stay away from you, my mind is speaking louder then ever. Get up and do the right thing. Delete his number and just get over with this. Never again you will and you should let anyone come closer to you.

I did the exact same thing and included one more step , I even unfriended him from my Facebook account and repeated that no one loves me and no one will ever love me. I am and I should be enough for myself.

To be continued...